It’s always good to compromise only when the other side understands your feelings. But, It’s not good to bend so much that you lose your existence. -Anonymous
According to Psychologytoday.com:
Marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official, and permanent.
Marriage is the joining of two people in a bond that we hope to be last until death. In real life, this is bond often cut short by separation or divorce.
In an ideal situation, Love should be the base of marriage. Marriage usually is lead by the desire of a couple who want to strengthen their relationship and love.
One of the reasons for unhappy Marriage or marriages, which end with divorce, is that those two people have two different opinions about one same thing, and there is no good communication between the couple. It could be a small problem which occurs regularly or a big problem which is principal.
Those different opinions could be as simple as:
I want to spend this weekend in a spa center with him, then continue with a friendly, relaxing chat while staying in the sauna or mineral pool. He wants to do a 2-days hike & to camp somewhere.
Let’s say that you have no financial or other problems which influence you to a decision about different things for the situations below, what would you do?
- You want a television, he/she wants a projector;
- You want to go to Japan, he/she wants to Brazil;
- You want a reading lamp, he/she wants spotlight;
- You want a white wall, he/she wants brown;
What would you do in those situations?
Do you let everything your partner wants to happen, or do you want everything to happen according to your will?
I find personally that none of those are the right decisions. Because one has to sacrifice so, the other can get what he wants. In this case, sacrifice is not something that should be a standard part of marriage.
We often let the decision to our partner because we don’t want another fight, or we want to make him/her happy/satisfied. In the example situations above, the standard should be compromised.
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To compromise, you should first be able to communicate with each other and have an understanding.
First of all, when there are two different opinions about one thing, try to sit down with one another & talk about what is essential & why. We usually decided on four ways of compromising. Compromising doesn’t mean ‘meet in the middle.’
1. If the matter is crucial for you, but not for him/her, Then You can decide.
For example, You want to eat soup tonight & he/she likes to eat pizza, but for him/her, it’s ok to eat pizza another time.
2. If the matter is essential for him/her, but not for you, Then he can decide.
For example, there is an action movie that she/he has been waiting for for so long. He/she wants to watch it with you, but you want to watch a romantic comedy movie. You let him choose the film as the romantic one you can watch another time.
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3. If the matter is vital for both of you, you have to try to meet in the middle.
Try not to make any decision right away, take your time to think the reasons (3-5) why you want to hold on to your opinion, sit together again & compare lists.
This list will make it clear of what is essential for both of you & why.
It’s important not to assume anything or believe that your way is the best.
Try then to find at least one or two criterion points on both of your lists.
For example, he/she wants to go to Brazil & you to Japan.
4. The last and most important is if the matter is significant for you & you both can’t tolerate it.
This case is almost the same as the second. You need to sit & talk a few rounds, take a break from time to time, & sit again.
The way we see things is continuously changed. Things which were relevant five years ago could become something unimportant & childish now. Evaluate both opinions, don’t take any decision before both agree.
For example, how many kids you want to have where you want to buy a house which house you want to buy.
Are these tips helpful for you?
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